So, scratch everything I said in my last blog post.
I’m not ready to just completely give up on book blogging yet.
There are a lot of reasons for my decisions (both to go and stay and some other decisions I haven’t even discussed publicly yet) of late and I do want to talk with you all about what’s currently going on in my life, but I’m just a little overwhelmed right now. Things are changing and I’m adjusting (trying to, anyway) and it’s just taking more time than I thought it would.
I spend a lot of time feeling guilty because so many wonderful publishers have approved me for ARCs I’ve requested, but I haven’t be able to read and review them with any kind of consistency whatsoever. Yesterday on NetGalley I got my first ever rejection from a publisher – and I highly suspect that the reason was because of my lack of activity on my blog and my sad ratio of reviews to requests on NetGalley itself. This really broke my heart even though it was kind of inevitable.
I also spend a lot of time feeling inadequate because there are so many other bloggers who are OWNING this thing – and some of them have even busier lives than I do! I’ve just felt like a huge failure lately. I’ve read books but haven’t reviewed them, I’ve interviewed authors but haven’t put together the posts, etc. Fail fail fail. ALL THE FAIL. And do we even need to talk about physical ARCs? I think not. I’m sure most of you can guess how I’ve felt about that often touchy subject.
I told myself I would stop focusing on these things. That I would just do what I could, when I could. But more and more it seemed like I NEVER COULD. I ended up spiraling into a depression that I’ve been dealing with for weeks now. I’m still there. I’m still in that place. And it’s dark.
But I don’t want to just give up.
I have to accept that, right now, I can’t keep up with the Joneses. Right now, there’s too much going on for me to give my blog or my blogging friends the love and attention they truly deserve. But I don’t have to accept defeat. So I’m going to do my best, even if that’s not much sometimes. No more requesting ARCs, no more accepting review requests, no more stretching myself so thin that I can’t deliver. I want to get caught up on reviews and get back into the swing of things. So you may not see many frivolous posts for a while…but eventually I’ll find the balance and Twilight Sleep will flourish again.
Thank you to everyone who has offered me kind words, encouragement, and support. YOU ARE MY ROCK. *clings to you* I love you all, and I hope you’ll continue to be patient with me while I work through this choppy spot in my life.